It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
