I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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