dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
