"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
