dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
