Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
