Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You pole danced in your parka.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
