he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
