dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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