you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
