I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize