he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
