i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
