i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
