i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
