We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
