I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
