you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
