Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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