what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
