At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
