This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
