Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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