If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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