8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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