I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
