Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
