Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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