Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
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Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
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He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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