evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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