you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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