Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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