but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
