At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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