DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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