Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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