i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
