I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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