seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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