You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
birth control should be required to get into college
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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