He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
