well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
