I love black thongs
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
