I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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