If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
