You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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