Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
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He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
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There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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