His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The adults are the big ones right?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
