love makes seman taste better
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
