we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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