I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
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