the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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