operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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