i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
