i just sent this text using only my big toe
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
