I hate your face
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
