life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize