God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize