im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize