I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
