We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
