I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
