So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
