What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
