dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
