I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
